Guardian Conversation Script – What to Say When Asking Someone to Raise Your Kids

This is the hardest conversation most parents avoid. But naming a guardian without talking to them first can create confusion, resentment, or worse. Use this script as a starting guide. You do not need to follow it word for word. The goal is to have an honest, thoughtful conversation.

Before the Conversation

Prepare your thoughts on these topics:

Who is your first-choice guardian and why?
Who is your backup guardian?
What are your children’s daily routines and needs?
What parenting values matter most to you?
What financial support will be available (life insurance, trusts, savings)?
Are there any medical or educational needs to discuss?
What role do you want the other parent’s family to play?

Tip: Have this conversation in person or by phone, not by text or email. Choose a private, relaxed setting.

Step 1: Open the Conversation

Start by acknowledging this is a big ask. Be direct but warm.

Sample script:

“I want to talk to you about something important. [Partner] and I have been working on our estate plan, and part of that means choosing someone we trust to take care of [child’s name/our kids] if something ever happened to both of us. We have been thinking about it a lot, and you are the person we would want to ask.”

Pause here. Give them time to react. This is a lot to take in.

Step 2: Explain Why You Chose Them

People want to know why. Be specific and genuine.

Sample script:

“We chose you because [specific reason]. You share our values when it comes to raising kids, and [child’s name] already has such a strong relationship with you. We trust you completely, and we know you would love them and keep them safe.”

Fill in your own reasons. Examples:

“You are patient and kind with kids.”
“You live nearby and our kids already feel at home with you.”
“You share our approach to education and discipline.”
“You have a stable home and the willingness to take this on.”

Step 3: Talk About the Practical Details

This is where the conversation gets real. Cover the logistics so there are no surprises.

Sample script:

“I want to be upfront about what this would actually look like. We are setting up [life insurance / a trust / both] so you would have financial support. We would not be asking you to do this without help. Here is what we are thinking:”

Topics to cover:

Financial support: “We have [amount] in life insurance that would go toward the kids’ care.”
Housing: “We would want the kids to [stay in their school district / move to your area / whatever your preference is].”
Daily routine: “[Child’s name] is in [school/activities]. Here is what a typical week looks like for them.”
Medical needs: “[Child’s name] has [allergies/medications/conditions] you should know about.”
Education: “We feel strongly about [public school / private school / religious education / homeschool].”
Faith and values: “It is important to us that [share your values around religion, culture, etc.].”

Step 4: Give Them Permission to Say No

This is critical. A guardian who says yes out of guilt is not the right guardian.

Sample script:

“I want you to know there is absolutely no pressure here. This is a huge responsibility, and I completely understand if it is not something you can take on. We would rather you be honest with us now so we can make the right plan. Whatever you decide, it will not change our relationship.”

If they say no:

Thank them for being honest.
Ask if they would be willing to play a smaller role, like being an emergency contact or helping during a transition.
Move to your backup choice and have the same conversation.

If they say yes:

Thank them sincerely.
Let them know you will follow up with the details in writing.
Tell them your attorney will include them in your estate plan.

Step 5: Discuss the Role of the Other Parent’s Family

If both parents pass, extended family on both sides will have feelings. Address this proactively.

Sample script:

“We also want to talk about how [other parent’s] family would stay involved. Even though we are naming you as guardian, we want [grandparents / aunts / uncles] to remain a big part of the kids’ lives. We see your role as the primary caregiver, but we want to make sure the kids stay connected to both sides of the family.”

After the Conversation

Once your chosen guardian says yes:

Follow up with a written summary of what you discussed
Schedule a meeting with your estate planning attorney to update your will
Name your backup guardian in your will as well
Share key documents: life insurance policy details, kids’ medical records, school information
Revisit this conversation every 1-2 years as circumstances change

Missouri & Illinois Note

In both Missouri and Illinois, a guardian nomination must be included in a properly executed will to be legally binding. A verbal agreement or handshake is not enough. Once you have had this conversation, work with an estate planning attorney to put it in writing.

Next Steps

Once your guardian has agreed, schedule a consultation with an estate planning attorney to make it legal. In Missouri and Illinois, this means updating or creating your will with the guardian nomination.

Book a free consultation: hunsingerlaw.com

Hunsinger Law Group, LLC
Serving Missouri & Illinois families
St. Louis | Chicago
www.hunsingerlaw.com